because I'm kind of sick of myself.

Last week (Monday) I scrambled to find enough money to deposit so a $30 check didn't bounce. I was depositing change and stuff. Very humiliating.

Then I realized that if I didn't deposit another $350, I ran the possibility of bouncing more stuff which would only cost me momre. I wasn't in any kind of hurry to ask my mother for money, but I felt I had no choice. So I did. I promised to pay $200 this pay period, which I can do even if I'm not crazy about it, and the rest on the 15th.

One of the checks for $117 has cleared. The others haven't tried to yet. But I did have a little bit of wiggle room, which I needed.

I'll work backwards this week:

Yesterday I bought $34 worth of tools for my habitat volunteering. Yes, probably not a good idea since I've been so short and I don't need them yet. What can I say? I was in that money fog when I bought them. I did shop carefully.

I also bought $9.39 worth of lunch at Whole Foods market. I wasn't anywhere near my home and I was hungry. So I bought lunch there. With my gluten free diet, I can't just roll into Burger King.

I also got $20 in cash so I could get a 20 minute head-and-shoulder massage, which I needed desperately. I had gone to the chiropractor the day before and he must've unlocked something really stuck because I was hurting. I feel much better today. I tipped him $2 or 20%.

On Friday, I had to pay $30 for the chiropractor, but they're holding my check until payday. I get very frustrated with him because there are often times when I tell him "you didn't get it - the problem is still there" and he just argues with me. I've been more money with other people trying to get a closer and better chiropractor, but I end up dropping a lot of money for someone who can't get that one vertabrae near my neck. This time, he got it. I am feeling more loose than I have in a year. Yippee!!

Because I went on my lunch break (he closes early on Friday), I drove through a barbecue joint because I was hungry and hadn't brought my lunch. It was the only place I could think of where I could drive through. Not sure I did it 100% gluten free, but I didn't hurt much so I must've been somewhat successful. Anyway, that was $9.06. I also spent $4.29 at Starbucks for iced coffee and water, but that was on a gift certificate I've already mentioned. That trip cost me $4 in toll fees, but like I keep saying, I didn't have time to go the long way around during lunch.

On Thursday, I ran into a convenience store because I was dying for some chocolate. I didn't have any cash, so I had to spend over $4 to use my debit. I spent $4.26 on a couple of pieces of chocolate and some fritos to keep in my desk - I had no idea fritos were gluten free. Yippee! I also got $10 in cash.

Right now my account shows that I have$136 and I have a couple of things I need to get before pay day, but I don't know what checks will hit the account. Trying to put that off.

Going to my mother's today to help her with paperwork.

At lunch, I had to take back a couple of DVDs before they expired. While I was there, I checked out two more. I'm on a roll right now with Six Feet Under. I got really obsessed with it last year when it was replayed on Bravo. I think it's nothing less than the best television show EVER.

Then I took back the mineral makeup. I don't like it much, but also I was looking to change the makeup brush. It sheds all over me and the bathroom. I got my money back, but even if I deposited that and the other money in my billfold, it wouldn't be enough to cover the $30 I owe in the bank tonight.

Soda can is a poppin'.

Not quite sure how I did it, but right now I have 3.63 in the bank and outstanding checks and debits to the tune of $334.53. I guess my paying my utilities was way off, tactically speaking.

I hate that I'm going to do it, but I'm going to ask my mother to borrow $400 until the 15th of next month. It seems I just can't get out of this hole. Very frustrating.

The other stuff I spent money on was $16.23 for makeup brushes at Target.

At Walmart, $63.66 for regular ol' groceries. Didn't even get everything I need, just the very basic.I had to spend another 89.77 at Whole Foods because I needed supplements and they had a very inexpensive makeup starter kit for $19.99...I'm running out and thought that would be a great solution. It's mineral makeup.

Spent $1.50 for a soda while out.

Yesterday, I was at the State Fair. Habitat gave me a pass for volunteering, but I had to pay $10 for parking. While there, I ate a couple of things for $10 (!!!). I still have $10 for spending money.

I finally got my new paycheck, and while I'm grateful for the extra $80 a payperiod, I thought it was going to work out to be more. Still, happy to have it.

I'm also grateful because while it didn't last as long as I was hoping it would this week, I was able to catch up on some utilities. I've been feeling like I'm always running around paying the electricity right before it's to be cut off (as I did yesterday and thankfully made it, but barely), the phone before it's cut off (didn't make it as they disconnected my internet service but didn't cut off all the phone service) and the cable. This may seem silly to some, but it was important to me because next pay period, I want to get my bill and pay it when it's due or before, not right before cut off. I feel sleazy and creepy when I have to wait till the last minute.

So here's how my money went...yes, went...because it's already gone. I have a couple of expense checks coming, so that ought to help.

First, I had a negative balance because I was so short last time, I was put in positions where I had to find some money somewhere. So I bounced (gulp) 4 checks at 27 each. That is embarrassing.

The other $1776 went like this:

$287 electricity - now I'm caught up there.
$106.96 cable - caught up there.
$162. phone - caught up there
$30 chiropractor - very necessary, dammit, I was hurting
$140 hair appointment for cut, color, highlights and I'd put it off way too many times. I had awful hair.
$22.01 gas and car wash. Wanted to make sure I had a full tank and nothing makes me feel more cheap than a dirty car.
$111.98 Whole Foods. Since my awful bout with the gluten a week ago, I'm reformed. I'm working extra hard to stay on the GF/dairy free diet. Unfortunately, it's an expensive diet.
$3.61 dry cleaning. Again, I use dryel at home for most of the time for my dry cleaning, but every now and then I need to get something cleaned professionally.
$3.00 fees for utilities payment at Kroger (usually do it online, but my Internet was down)
$5.00 for the lottery, which I only do once or twice a year.
$3.75 for ATM fees - I was under deadlines and it was the most efficient way to do it.
$2.40 for tolls.
$30 for cash for myself - have to go to an event tomorrow which will cost me an admission and parking.
$368.05 car payment (perfect record so far)
$89 loan payment (perfect record so far)
$30.53 payment for PBS donation
OK - here's the self indulgent part -
$59.38 at an Asian import place for two inexpensive purses and two sets of inexpensive jewelry. Some day I want to be able to buy a couple of great Marc Jacobs bags, but until then, I'll have to do with the import. The jewelry is cute, but at 6.95 a set, not exactly Tiffany. I went in there with the intention of spending $60 and I came in just under. The ways to look at this is infinite, but I'll choose to believe that I'm using some of my new funds to celebrate my raise.

I still have some supplements I have to buy and a couple of food items. I'm already $131. under, but I do have expense checks coming in and that ought to help.

because I haven't really had any money to post about.

On Thursday night, I spent my last $4.65 on a burger and tots at Sonic, which I ended up paying for with the gluten thing. It's now Sunday and I've been sick the entire time. I don't know if it's the AMOUNT of gluten or whatever, but yeeeooowww.

I'm expecting a $94 expense check one of these days, but haven't received it yet.

Yesterday, I was completely out of cat litter. I had emptied the cat box because it was the normal time to do it, even though the litter wasn't as bad as it could've been. After I emptied it, I discovered I only had enough to VERY lightly cover the bottom of the litter pan. That would not do for long. My cats are spoiled, I guess, and if they don't like the condition of the litter pan, they pee on the floor.

I put it off as long as possible, hoping that I'd find money, but I didn't. So I went to the store. Thinking that if the check is going to bounce, I might as well bounce a big one, I ended up paying about $117 for stuff - 2 big ol' boxes of cat litter, 2 boxes of dryel, coffee, toilet paper, paper towels and a bunch of sunflowers for myself. I tried to make it for cash over, but couldn't. What I needed as badly as the cat litter was some cash - I'm down to the warning light on my gas and zero money to do anything.

All day today I struggled with what to do. I wanted to go to a festival, but didn't have enough money or gas. Wanted to get "out in the world," but didn't have funds for even Starbucks. Eventually I decided to write another check (which could bounce) for cash - wasn't sure if I could, but I did. Bought eggs and castor oil (which is supposed to be good for an external treatment for when you get "glutenized") and a Starbucks gift card, so I could at least have a coffee out when I was broke.. Got $25 over.

The irony here is that after I got the check cashed, I realized the festival would be over before I could get there.

Again, in a struggle over what's best for me here, I decided that I needed a little self-care. My joints were hurting from the gluten, so I paid $10 to get a shoulder massage and gave her a $2 tip. It felt nurturing. I also got a whole foods version of a rice krispy treat, which tasted great. That, along with water, came to $2.59. I also went to Blockbuster to get a couple of DVDs for the week - this is rare for me, I don't rent often. But I got my favorite show of all time (Six Feet Under) so I can have a little fun.

That leaves me a little over $5 for whatever this week until payday or I get my expense check. I didn't get gas, but fortunately, I live 2 miles away, so I can get there and back with no problems for 4 days.

My account shows -$83.78 but it's really more like -$332.98.

I was successful for many things this week, but the finances weren't it.