I was so excited over finding extra money that I made one, if not two, unwise purchases.

The hair cut is not something I regret. I needed it and that was included in the $4083 # that I put out there. I even got $5 off because she gave me a coupon for Christmas.

But although I don't regret taking the assistant out for happy hour, I do regret the expense. I believe it was a kind gesture so that she could talk out her concerns with someone who had been part of the experience. It WAS kind, but we each had two drinks and french fries. I didn't need all the food and I didn't need two drinks (had a rotten headache this morning after only two glasses of wine). She even wanted to pay her share, but I didn't want her to.

In any ordinary case, this would be kind...but here I am, being kind again, when it ends up hurting me.

Or am I?

The other expense was $32 on a water fountain for the cats. Now before anyone completely laughs at me, when my cats were rescued (at 10 days of age), I had a tabletop fountain that they learned to drink out of. Ever since, they hate still water in a bowl. So they either want to drink out of a water spigot (water gets wasted) or from a fountain. These $30 fountains usually last 3 years or so. The one I had went out two days ago. The water pump just died.

My account reads -44, but I believe there is still about $100 padding in there, so I'm not in imminent danger of bouncing anything, but this is a small indication of how i get - if I get a little bit ahead, I need to spend it.

So I decided that I'm not going to spend any money this weekend other than that fountain. I went to a movie this afternoon (The Simpson's movie is hilarious), but I went free as I had a pass. I got in line at Wendy's, but I'm proud of myself for not staying. I came home and made my own lunch. I'm not going out tonight (ironing, business), but anything I do tomorrow for fun, I'll do for free.

My mother asked me to help her out with office work again, so I'm going to try and make up that $66 and only use it for the stuff that needs to be paid still - the electric bill being the most important expenditure coming up.

My friend had to cancel brunch today, and I have to say I'm a little relieved. I would've felt compelled to buy brunch and because of happy hour, I need to scale back.

I usually do not feel compelled to buy. I can accept it from someone else and I can go dutch (with a girlfriend) with no problem. But in both these cases, I felt like since I was taking someone out for a break, I needed to buy.

Especially with the friend today. Since she has a ton of money, she's bailed me out on more than one occasion so making her do it today would've been terribly embarrassing.

So now I can have a very inexpensive weekend and not feel bad about it at all.

When I had my coaching session last week, the coach and I spoke of the new business, which she has considerable experience in (not coaching, this is a targeted web site). She gently told me that while she liked the idea, she didn't see it as an immediate path to cash.

I had come to the same conclusion already. It was very disappointing. I'm not saying I won't ever do it, just not immediately.

But I am going to pursue a marketing/branding/PR business. I've had a PR business before and was quite good at the PR end, just not the business end. I've learned since then and will keep my real job so I can continue both, probably for awhile.

I was disappointed. But now I'm over it.

For those who might be experiencing cash issues, I'm borrowing this exercise from my coach that I've adapted. She asked it of another person and I made it apply to me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. How would your life be different if you were organized, knowledgeable and felt abundant with money today?

2. What would you do differently in actions, thoughts and words as a woman with money abundance that you're not doing today?

3. What is stopping you from "being" the person described in #2?

1. I answered this question in coaching once before, and I had to stop and think about it because I am so used to my money situation being chaotic. And before mine, my parents' situation was similar. Here's how my life would be different: my energy would be focused on creating the life I want, not whacking financial moles. My energy would be focused on creating MORE money, sharing money and buiilding dreams (mine and others). I would be free - free to be responsible while living my best life.

And WHO is that person? Who would I be if I didn't have the issues I've carried around most of my life?

Clearly more work to be done here...

2. What would I do differently in actions: I would be proactive in dealing with my money; handling and paying bills before they were due or due to be cut off; I would be more energetic in sharing my life with others; I would volunteer to help those who have trouble like I've had; I'd feel more like I was in my job because I wanted to be. I'd be dancing more often!

Thoughts: My thoughts would be clear on how to handles challenges; my thoughts would be on creating more; my thoughts would be creative, fun and energetic; my thoughts would be more global.

Words: My words would match my thoughts and actions better. As it is now, I feel like there is a disconnect between what I say and what I'm thinking. I say positive statements, but I don't feel them - so there is inner conflict. My words would be more positive.

3. What is stopping me? Nothing is stopping me from the above except years of residue of old habits, old thoughts and old energy. I'm still working through all that. I have new ideas, but it takes time to implement them all and to shift fully, instead of shifting partially.

That was harder than I thought. I even had to get up and clean up and change clothes to distract myself. Clearly I'm still uncomfortable thinking of myself as a successful, abundant woman.

Seriously, Donna, how much do you pay? In the metro area in which I live, $35 is really very reasonable. I've been going to the same hairdresser since for the last 8 years of so. I have pretty wavy/curly hair and haven't been able to find a less-expensive cut with a hairdresser who didn't completely butcher it.

This one is just a cut. I have it colored and highlighted, but not today. I get pretty good at stretching that stuff out.

Prisoner, I well understand that I've been eating out too much and I even didn't list tonight's happy hour for $36 tonight. I did it for a good reason - for my assistant, and for privacy reasons, won't go into here. So I'll just have to find other things to save on this weekend.

However, one thing I know to be true about myself. Eating/having a drink with friends is one of my great joys in life. It feeds my soul when I can share food and drink and camraderie with folks. Obviously since I have been in financial trouble, I can't be irresponsible about this. But given the choice between eating out with friends and many other expenses, I'll pick eating.

This weekend, I have plenty of work I need to do on the new business, but I also should take a little time to have fun and to do yoga.

I have a couple of passes to a water park and I live close enough to walk, so I can avoid the high parking price. I have a couple of free movie passes that someone gave me. I also have a couple of free iTunes downloads, which someone gave me as a gift.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to have brunch with an old friend who just lost her mother.

I spent $5.39 on lunch (which wasn't GF, unfortunately) and $35 on my hair.

And I look darn good.